Mary has just 5 minutes prior given birth to a beautiful baby girl. It is her second baby, and like her first, she wants to give birth without medication. I began care of her when she is already deeply drawn inside herself, 8 centimeters dilated with hefty contractions, coming every 2 minutes apart. I remember how strong they are, like the under toes in the ocean, that as a young girl I'd have to guard against being pulled in, lost in the abyss of what is big and unknown. It doesn't take Mary very long to open up her body and give birth, 40 minutes later with only 3 pushes.
I'm watching her, she is sighing, with her sight glazed, gazing off into space. She has an easy, unblemished hold on her baby that is cradled in the soft part of her that now is shiny wet from the heat of labor. I perform my nursing tasks with an eye on their inner state. It's so heavy, childbirth but I know that there is deep satisfaction rendered from the experience, despite her body now collapsed into a heap of worn flesh.
I let the air settle, and softly, quietly approach her to inquire about her experience. I don't want to disrupt the subtlety that so easily can disappear with just the slightest hint of our more abrupt, unconscious side. There's a pause, and then she begins, "well, you have to get out of the way and let your body take over". I listen intently. I ask her about how she felt immediately after the birth. There is a pause. She interjects, "there are no words to describe it." I say, "can we try?" Another pause, longer this time. "elation". I'm delighted for her experience and then eager to share more of what I know about the nervous system and childbirth.
Specifically, our nervous system function in patterns, and in order for us to embody a particular pattern, we must have the experience first, and then the pattern can make itself available to our perceptions. In the case of Mary, what is so remarkable is that her elation is independent of any outer circumstances. In fact, I believe that such elation is self born manifested from the rare, powerful inner experience of childbirth. This gives Mary the opportunity to shift her awareness to an infinite supply of the same joy, just waiting to be rediscovered.
Let me give you a more concrete example to help clarify this concept. Soon after a baby is born, a pediatrician will shine a small beam of light into their eyes with a cone shaped instrument. They are looking to see that the nerve pathway responsible for site is clear. A baby does not activate the nerve responsible for seeing until later on in infancy, and if there are any blockages in that pathway, the baby would be blind. This would occur because the experience (seeing) has to occur before the nerve activates that pattern. In the same way, consider that the joy that is our essential nature can only be perceived once we have the experience.
I then asked Mary how she could help herself embody her elation? Her response of "remember the experience" was so perfectly aligned with our teachings, to continuously be drawn back to the details of our inner experiences.
I thanked Mary for being so courageous in her exploration of one of the most profound experiences in a woman's life. She has my blessings to search deeper into its essence.
In love and light,